Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Guy I Named Bryan

It was a day I went to see my therapist. I went in to the receptionist signed in an sat in waiting room.
All of a sudden this cute guy sits next to me with a big grin with beautiful blue eyes that twinkled. Even though he did look like he had had a rough day I felt he was hot as a firecracker! He gave me this big grin and winked at me and asked me what my name was baby. I just so happened to be horny, thought hmmm he would be fun to play with, so I told him my name was Tom . I asked him his name? He said Bryan. I thought I couldn't wait to get hold of him..an he knew I wanted it. So we met after our appointments...Lord I acted like a dog in heat...we hooked up.. this was the beginning.. Bryan  was a good lay and fun to play with an we both had HIV plus he had HEPC. Bryan I found out was homeless, an addict, had lived on the street since he was 15 yrs. old. He grew up in a place called SAND MTN Alabama were they still have snake healers. Bryan was very high energy hyperactive & paranoid. But he had a good excuse for being that way. When growing up I found out that his mom would beat him and lock him in a room and refuse to give him food! So he suffered from PTSD from the abuse & wondering what had he done? His mother later would tell me she didn't know why she abused him and just shrugged her shoulders...Bryan had his good side and bad. I fell for him bad. You meet someone an was wild about them but knew down deep it wouldn't work?? Well that's what it was with us. We really cared for each other. I helped Bryan get his SSI started and food stamps and get a good men's shelter. Bryan was recovering from 2 weeks in hospital from PCP. His immune system was almost not there, I taught him stuff I had learned tried to get him set up in the system. But he was like a wild animal you was trying to cage. You had to give him his freedom and hope he would be ok. Along the way me an Bryan played in different scenarios with others while I was caught up in his madness the whole time. I felt like I was in the movie SPEED because that's how being around Bryan was with him. But I was like a puppy in love or something. We had lots of sexcapades putting ourselves at more risk. At the moment I didn't care I was hooked onto a merry go round.  So back to his story..I got him to slow down on the drugs an he was doing so good with his new mental health meds ad therapy...Then around the holidays Bryan went out an disappeared on me. I thought maybe he found a hot hook up? I looked for 3 days called ER's ...nothing until the 3rd day I was so worried because I knew Bryan lived on the edge an I figured he had been killed or overdosed or was in jail. But nope he was a John Doe at a local hospital was more or less on his deathbed an the doctors couldn't figured it out other than that poison control kept saying Gingko from those 5hr energy drinks. His kidneys, liver, lungs, and heart had pretty much stopped! 4Emory trauma teams working on him for like the first week an still didn't know if he would live? Finally he became strong enough to try dialysis on him an was told he might not have the strength to live through it but I told him in his ear to fight Bryan fight and that I loved him.  For 30 days or more before Bryan even knew who I was once telling nurse "I don't know who this Tom is but he she is nice" my heart was ready to burst from hearing this awesome innocent thought from a man who was still not got his memory back.  When finally he got his mind back that he was told his kidneys were not working and liver still wasn't 100%. We was told he would maybe have to live with dialysis for rest of his life. But after each treatment he barely could walk so I tried to make him do more to fight and eat right to try to jumpstart his kidneys again. Finally after 3 months his doctors told him his kidneys were working by the grace of God. So the story goes on that Bryan got his on place the first of every month until he smoked up his money by the 3-4 the of each month I would rescue him 3 months in a row hoping this would be the last time. But after being called from mental health ward I would be threatened with bloody violence etc.. an finally had to cut the strings that bound me to him. To this day I don't know if Bryan is alive? A few months ago I got a call from legal department of a hospital about Bryan but they wouldn't say if he was still alive or dead. I forgot to say when I got his family to come during his near death event before they was so worried about Bryan and went shopping telling the doctors to listen to me for what needs done. I wanted Bryan to know one human being in the world cared what happened to him and he had value in this human race. I miss my friend and all his crazy moments and wished he could have a normal settle home life. But see this is what happens to some of our homeless persons with HIV they disappear become lost an die with not even their family ever know what happened in these southern big cities an not enough funding to help them get back into society. I am lucky when it came to meeting Bryan. I learned gratitude and I didn't use drugs or drink all that time living through someone else's madness. I am one the lucky ones risking myself for fun I didn't pick up HEPC after many test they say I don't have it. Thank you, Lord!  But this could be someone out there playing unsafe an becoming HIV+ HEPC an many other things.  I didn't get him tamed but I tried to give him self value which I do believe he picked up from the experience together. I hope your alive and doing well Bryan someone loves you......I have been celibate 5 yrs now since Guy I named Bryan.
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