‘My boyfriend refuses to go for HIV testing’

I found this awesome article for women on HIV testing and safe sex I wanted to share with our sisters out there to keep them educated: bio of author is at the bottom.

After having unprotected sex, a reader wants to know how she can make her boyfriend get tested.

                                                                                Question

My boyfriend and I started dating about three months back. I’ve recently suggested to him that we both go testing for HIV because there were times where we had unprotected sex. He’s reluctant to go testing with me, when the date comes he postpones. 

How can I get him to come with me?
- Reader

Answer

Oh dear, men just don't like medical care.They shudder away from this experience to their overall health disadvantage.They have to have the heart attack before they give up booze, cigarettes and watching sport on TV, instead of actually doing any sport.

This reluctance to seek health care is exacerbated by the fear of HIV/AIDS/STI's. Most of us prefer to ignore that it can happen to us. After all who wants to interfere the moment with “put on a condom?”

Perhaps going for a HIV/AIDS/STI test means commitment. Or it means knowing your status and thus you have to use a condom. It’s complicated. What is not complicated is that unprotected sex puts you both at risk. So you have to find a way to protect yourselves. Ideally knowing your stays is the first step.

You need to be on contraception, plus both of you need to insist and stick with this insistence, to always use condoms. I wonder if he's postponing because he already knows his status. This would be unfair to you. I suggest you make an appointment at HIV clinic for both of you, at a time when you know he can make it, and invite him for this date. You want to both get information about safer sex, not lecture, but information, so you can be prepared to practice safer sex. Knowledge gets people to feel safer.

And by the way, as long as you agree to have unsafe sex, he has no reason to stop. Make sure you can safely say NO to unsafe sex.
-Dr Eve

 

Sex and intimacy

Dr Eve

Marlene Wasserman is an internationally trained Clinical Sexologist, Couple and Sex Therapist, Sexual Medicine Consultant and Therapist, in Private Practice. This means that she spends most of her day thinking, talking and processing relationships and sexual conundrums that people bring to her professional practice.

Being driven by the need to right the wrong in human injustices , Marlene is a sexual rights activist , an outspoken media personality and educator. She is a  committee member of a number of national and international boards and contributes towards the growth of her specialisation. 

Marlene is a finalist in the Businesswomen’s Association Regional Business Achiever Awards 2012, in the Professional Category.

All presentations are innovative, interactive and experiential in that audiences leave feeling they have had a memorable experience. The experience may initially be uncomfortable – hence it being memorable. Over time the discomfort eases into better understanding of self, a sense of freedom and even joy.  We all have  a fascination and need to know more about sexual health and relationships. Dr. Eve offers forums for provocative thinking, conversations and learning.  

As an academic she teaches Sexual Medicine at the University of Cape Town and lectures locally and internationally. She is published in academic journals, written her own books and continues to write for various media.

Marlene is the founder of the DR. EVE brand. Find Dr. Eve  weekly on radio, occasionally on television and daily on the web site: www.dreve.co.za.